I’ve always been a thoughtful and intropective person. I guess I just know that I have the potential to be a better person so I wonder what I can do to make that more possible. I tried on Friday evening to write about it and I didn’t think I was doing a good job. I can discuss my feelings till the cows come home but writing about them can be quite challenging. Probably because I think far too much about ‘em.

I saw this survey on myspace to help maybe share things that have been on my mind for a while.

~
I’ve come to reali​ze that when I talk.​.​.

I should really think about what is coming out before it actually does. There are times when things fly out of my mouth without knowing the full situation. OR something that I should say, I end up don’t saying. It’s finding that equal balance that I’m having difficulty with.

~I’ve come to reali​ze that when I like someo​ne.​.​.
regardless of it’s a friendship or a more serious relationship, I usually dive in too quickly, which makes for broken bones.

~I’ve come to reali​ze that I need.​.​.
to simply breath. let things happen. i’m uncomfortable not talking about things that need to be talked about but at the same time, i get anxious that they simply won’t accept what i have to say. it’s happened a great deal and people just end up bouncing.

~ I’ve come to reali​ze that I have lost.​.​.
a lot of friends but despite that I’ve become stronger for it. I was talking to my stitch n bitch friend about some of the friends that have come in and out of my life and even told her that i discussed these occurrences with a professional. She then asked me if I felt that it helped and I can’t help but say yes. Because when I was telling her this, it was the first time I didn’t make it all my fault. I had been spending the past couple of years blaming myself for not knowing how to mindread. To actually know that some of these events that came out of left field were coming. I guess someone can call that progress. I certainly do. Yeah, I made mistakes but it certainly wasn’t all me.

~ I’ve come to reali​ze that I hate it when.​.​.
I’m lost or I’m not in the know. I need to be more comfortable about it, I know. I’m getting there

~I’ve come to reali​ze that I’ll alway​s be.​.​.
a step behind everyone else. I’ll always be a late bloomer. I will probably be the last of my friends to get married and have kids as I was the last to get kissed and get my driver’s license. I’m ok with that.  What I’m not ok with is that I seem to be the last person to know certain social queues. That makes for a “openmouth, insert foot” situation. Everyone involved seems to know what to do and not to, what to say and not to say, what questions can be asked and what questions can easily wait for yourself to find out on your own, what is appropriate and what isn’t, how to ask certain questions and how not to.” I find myself running into a wall with these kinds of things that I hope the people I’ve been impacting because of this social slowness of mine will still be there.

~I’ve come to reali​ze that if I’m drunk​.​.​.
This isn’t really a risque question because I’m not often drunk. Maybe new years 2006 was my last drink? No particular reason why but I’m just someone that doesn’t need it for a good time.

~I’ve come to reali​ze that money​.​.​.
seems to be the main thing in my life determining if i can or can not do something. Kinda sad but I must say that I’m quite proud of the money I make.

~I’ve come to reali​ze that peopl​e.​.​.
Are just trying to do the best with the cards they were dealt with. They’re just tryin’.

~ I’ve come to reali​ze that I have a crush​ on.​.​.
my wonderful boyfriend. at risk of sounding like a cheesball, everytime I hear the Dixie Chicks song “Easy Silence,” I think of him:

Easy silence that you make for me
It’s okay when there’s nothing more to say to me
In the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay

~I’ve come to reali​ze that when I woke up this morni​ng.​.​.
Nothing phenomenal, I wanted to go back to bed

~I’ve come to reali​ze that befor​e I go to sleep​ at night​.​.​.
that I’ve got two wonderful kitties who always come in to make sure Daddy tucked their Mommy in.

~I’ve come to reali​ze that right​ now I am think​ing about​.​.​.
my home. its not the cleanest fanciest chicest apartment but god do i love it.

~I’ve come to reali​ze that babie​s.​.​.
may or may not be in my future…that’s to be determined but I am more than happy to knit for the babies in my life for as long as they’ll let me

~I’ve come to reali​ze that tomor​row I will.​.​.
again, as cheesy as this might be, i’m going to try to be a better person i was today

~I’ve come to reali​ze that I reall​y want to.​.​.
get things in my life a little more situated. working on that though